my best yellow buddy Otis

On January 4, 2013, we found out that Otis had bone cancer. After much agonizing and tears, we decided not to put him through surgery (which would have only been palliative, not curative). As part of that decision, I promised Otis that I would not let him suffer and would give him peace as soon as he showed me he was really in pain. I always said I would rather err on the side of saying goodbye a week too early than a day too late. But that proved to be much more easily said than done, although it is what we ultimately did. We had him on a shit ton of pain meds and even though i could tell it was uncomfortable for him to lie down and get up, he was doing well on them and was happy and able to really enjoy his walks every day. But he had been getting more and more restless and uncomfortable at night. I tried giving him melatonin to help him sleep (with vet's ok), but it didn't help. I often slept on the floor with him, which seemed to soothe him and help him relax. But on Thursday (Feb. 7th) he woke up with a pronounced limp, which had not been there before, and I could tell his leg was really hurting him. He could barely go to the bathroom without falling and he was snarling at Emmet to keep him away. The hardest part for me though was the fact that he was still eating and waggy and seemed happy even though he was clearly in pain. I just didn't know what to do. We could have tried adding more meds to see if they might help control the pain better. But that would not have bought much time, if any, since the condition causing his pain would continue to worsen, and additional meds may not even have worked. It was impossibly hard for me to say goodbye to him when he was still so waggy and full of life. And it is so difficult for me not to second-guess it all now. But I was so scared that if I waited till he stopped wagging, I would have waited too long. So on his last day, I took him swimming at the Town Lake boat ramp (which he loved) and got him a whole rotisserie chicken (which he ate in its entirety) and we took a nap together on the floor nose to nose. And then we said goodbye to him here at home so he was never scared or anxious. I just hope we did the right thing for him. There are no words to express how much I loved that dog or how much he meant to me.

Blogger's Block

It has been so long since I've said anything that now I don't know what to say.

Thoughts For The Day

There are 2:

1) What is wrong with people who drive under the speed limit? Especially on 2 lane roads... on perfectly dry clear days. They need to be removed. Somehow. From society. Or at least plucked off the roadways. Forever.

2) What is up with fruit flies? I don't understand them. They aren't there at the grocery store when you buy your fruit. But they just magically and annoyingly appear after about a day. And they hover around your fruit bowl and your garbage can where the banana peels are. And they bug the shit out of you (or at least they bug the shit out of me). And then eventually they disappear somehow. Until the next time you go to the grocery store and buy more fruit. WTF??!

That's it.

Today's Soapbox

I hate John Aielli. He is insufferably arrogant and trite and narcissistic and annoying. I can't stand him. What makes him think we give a shit about his mundane personal life and banal ruminations. And what makes him think we want to hear every single version of a given song that has ever been recorded? Or that we want to hear every song that has anything whatsoever to do with some obscure theme that he thinks relevant. And if he talks about his stupid blog one more time, I think I will lose it. For realz. Why can't KUT subscribe to a good music show, like, "Morning Becomes Eclectic"? Pay attention, John. That's how the pros do it. I hate John Aielli. Hate. Him.

Ami's Journal

When I used to live in the midwest, I had a basement. It was like having a whole other house underneath my house. In it, I was able to store all the stuff I kind of wanted to keep but didn't use regularly. Or at all. It was also a great place to toss things that were messy but I didn't feel like putting away just before company arrived. Now I don't have a basement and all those things have been insidiously filling up my house and garage for years. The clutter has been increasingly stressing me out. I just made an appointment for some guys to come haul away all my crap. I know I'm paying someone else to throw away some things that are pretty nice and could be somewhat valuable. But right now, having the space is much more valuable to me than having the stuff. I don't miss a single thing about living in the midwest. Except for having a basement.

Ami's Journal

I have tons of projects to do around the house. Whenever it's sunny out, I rationalize not doing them by telling myself I'll do them when it's rainy and cold and gross outside. Today it's rainy and cold and gross outside but I still don't feel like doing them.

Ami's Journal

Yesterday I went to the store and got some groceries. I bought a jar of some fancy kind of cinnamon applesauce that looked really good. I could hardly wait to try it when I got home. But when I went to open the jar, the lid wouldn't budge no matter how hard I tried to turn it. I used the dish towel to get a better grip but it still wouldn't move. I ran it under hot water but that didn't work either. I banged it on the counter but still, no luck. I had to take periodic breaks when my hands hurt too much to keep going. But then I'd go back to it after a few minutes to try again. After about half an hour of this, I started wondering if I was just going to have to take it back to the store and tell them I couldn't get it open. That seemed kind of ridiculous though. Not to mention embarrassing. But I didn't want to throw it away unopened either. In a fit of exasperation, I decided to try one last time. I gave it everything I had. My hands were burning and my face was red from pushing the lid as hard as I could. Finally it yielded and I got the jar open. I tasted the applesauce. It was pretty good. But not that good.